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Low-key a little delulu rn | 26th March 2025

              Once again, I am writing this in the middle of computer tech at school. It's period three rn, and I have like no work to do. Well, I do have work avaliable, but I'm gonna leave it to do on the double on friday, otherwise I will be extra bored then. Anyway, about the delulu. I cannot stop thinking about Chloe. I think I may be cooked. Burnt, if you will. And this is probably just me being delulu, but I think there's a slight, 2% chance she could maybe one day like me back? Idk, probably not. This probably won't be a long post, cause I don't have much to talk about, and I don't wanna get caught on neocites in the middle of class. But there's a pretty chill teacher here rn, so I doubt I'll get caught. I don't know what I would do if someone from school found this website. I mean, they might not notice its me, unless they read these blog posts, then I'm cooked. Although I don't think anyone reads these anyway, so I'm not too worried. 
              
              Also, random, but there is a really hot guy in this class rn. He's not in my class, because as I've explained before, during computer tech I'm in a random year 11 class. I'm just sitting off to the side doing my work while they do English or something. Anyway, about the hot guy. Oh my gosh I can't. I don't actually have a crush on him, like want to date him, but oh boy is he attractive. And he has a weirdly deep voice. Like, he does not look like he should have a deep voice, and as a closted ftm teenager, I am a tad bit jealous.

What do I do 😭 | 24th March

              I've mentioned this briefly in a previous post, but there's this one friend I have who I think I might have a little crush on, who I'll call Chloe. But there's a few problems with that; especially considering the fact that another one of my friends, who I'll call O, likes me, and I've told him I like him back, because I did, but I don't know if I do anymore (we're not actually dating because I'm not allowed to date, even though I'm almost 15). There's also the fact that I just know that Chloe most definetly wouldn't like me back, but lately I've been feeling like they might, but I know that there is a 98% chance that that is just me being delusional. So now I just don't know what to do. I mean, I've already pretty much made up my mind that I'm just going to completely ignore these feelings, because for some reason whenever I have a crush on someone it tends to go away after three months at the most. Which is also why I am so annoyed at my past self for telling O that I liked him, because even though I did like him at the time, I don't know if I do anymore.
              
              There's also the fact that whenever I think I might like someone, I find it really hard to tell if I actually do. So that's another reason I'm just trying to ignore it. Also, I know I'm not ready to date rn, cause I have a lot of things going on, but ignoring it doesn't make it any easier 😭

I'm bored | 21st March 2025

              I'm literally in class rn, I'm so bored. It's the last two periods of the day, and I'm in a year 11 class rn cause I have borderless learning, so I'm just sitting off to the side of their class doing my computer tech while they're having their english lesson. One of the best parts of this class is that there is a really attractive guy in the class, so that makes it a littel more bearable. One of the girls rn is shit talking some of the teachers which is funny. She's also telling off one of the boys for not typing his hair up, and I'm just sitting here with my hair not tied up trying not to laugh. 
              
              This class is so chill, especially because there's a sub so its even more chill. I'm not with any of my friends at all tho, so that's a bit annoying, but it is nice just having some chill time. I have literally no work left to do, so I'm just sitting here looking on Neocities and listening to the year 11s. Some girls just came in to deliver uniforms and I almost got a heart attack because if they hadn't knocked and just come straight in I would've been cooked, since my laptop screen is facing the door. I'm literally directly next to the door. But as long as the teacher doesn't notice, which she won't she's like the chillest teacher there is at this school, then I'm all good. 
              
              Regarding my last blog post, I am so glad that Daniel is gone, cause otherwise he would be in this class with me, which was awkward because other than the year 11s, there is only one other person in borderless learning with me. Also, because Daniel's gone, my friend brought a metre long Toblerone to celebrate the fact that we don't have to worry about being molested at school! She also brought warheads, and I got the best flavour so that's pretty nice. I also think I like one of my friends, which is NOT good because I do NOT want to ruin the friendship. There may be a future blog post about that, if I feel like writing one. If any of my friends find this website I'm cooked. Unless they don't realise it's me, but they probably will because of the last blog post, so. 
              
              The head of senior school just walked in and I was almost cooked 💀. I'm gonna end the blog post here because I do NOT want to get cooked, burnt if you will, by the head of senior school.

Me and my friends just got a creep expelled (May be a bit triggering, has mentioms of suicide, sexual harrasment, and death threats)| 20th March 2025

              I used to be friends with this guy, who for the sake of keeping him and myself anonymous, will be called Daniel for this story (no hate to Daniels out there). Daniel used to be one of my good friends, ever since I changed school a year and a bit ago. But as of late-ish last year, he has been a real asshole. Here's a list of the things he's done (in no particular order): 
              Called me a tranny, and also called my other friends disgusting names, told me and some of my friends to kill ourselves, asked out a friend, she said no, and he was still very clingy and would always hold her hand to lay his head on her shoulder (we got a pic of that on the bus), even when she didn't want him to. He would even put his hand on her thight without asking. He was even still acting like this when he was dating another girl, asked out another friend, she said no, later he asked her for tit pics, she said no, and after that he asked her if she wanted dick pics, showed us hentai and porn without us wanting it, even some child porn, online and to some friends on the bus (which is ILLEGAL), talked VERY sexually about another girl in our grade, and I mean he was saying some disgusting crap, pretty sure he said he wanted to touch some of us sexually, like in a rapey way, also said he wanted to kill us?
              
              So, the story of how we got him expelled. All this stuff had been going on for a few months, mostly at the end of last year and through the Christmas/Summer holidays. Majority of it was online, so we got a lot of screenshots (I mean A LOT, this guy would not stop). When we got back to school, after a while we talked to some teachers about it. The friend that he asked out and asked for tit pics was the first one to tell a teacher, and she also got her parents to talk to the school about it. Some teachers talked to each of us individually, and we told them EVERYTHING. 
              
              The friend whos parents got involved also printed out all the screenshots that all of us had gotten, even highlighted and labeled them, and brought them in with her parents for a meeting with the school. Today, my friend who he first asked out and was really clingy with told a teacher about how he had been touching her without her consent. At some point today at school, we all thought he had gone home, since he was no where to be seen. But he was on the bus in the afternoon apparrently, so idk. Then this afternoon, I got a message from my friend who is still in contact with him, and he said that Daniel had called him telling him that he's expelled. Daniel also messaged another friend about it, and I told the discord groupchat to let the others know.
              
              And now we're all happy because we don't have to worry about him anymore. Just for anyone reading this who may be going through something similar, don't be afraid to reach out. And if you do reach out and they do nothing about it, keep trying, for your safety.

*Vent* also MY BLINKIESSSS | 16th March 2025

              Before I write the rest of this I'm just gonna clarify that although I am posting quite consistencly rn, I will probably stop at some point for a while, then remember I have a website and get back into it again. 
              
              Being trans and not able to transition sucks. I mean, I have it better than other people I will admit, but it still sucks. Like, my mum accepts me and I'm pretty sure most of my friends do, but because of my dad I won't be able to transition until I'm an adult. I just wish I could have the normal teenage boy experiences, and I wish that my mum would treat me like a boy. She knows that I'm trans, and she really is helping me with getting me a psycologist and stuff, but still. I can tell she doesn't actually think of me as a boy. And she always brings it up for no reason. I hate it. 
              
              Also, my blinkies on my homepage are pissing me off so bad. When I first put them in, they're fine, they render properly and stuff, but then for NO REASON THEY DECIDE TO WARP AND I CAN'T FIX IT FOR THE LIFE OF ME. PLEASE HELP I AM GOING INSANE OVER THESE DAMN BLINKIES.

Talkshow Boy | 15th March 2025

              You have no idea how much I love Talkshow Boy. I mean you can probably already tell, considering all the Talkshow Boy stuff on this website. I first started listening to his music around April-May last year, and I haven't stopped. The first albums I listened to were Testosterone then Watch As I Perform My Own Tracheotomy. The first song I heard was I Cut Myself; I found it through an animatic on Youtube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKb-uQ-yFVU&rco=1).
              
              By now, I've listened to pretty much every single one of his songs (if there's more out there I WILL FIND THEM). I love his music so much, he's so underrated, please go listen to some of his music. His music is so unique, and every album is so different but still has that obvious Talkshow Boy-esque vibe. I love all his music so much that I can't choose a favourite song, or even a favourite album, although I really do like Ice Police (the ep).
              
              He's also just a really cool person from what I've seen. He's left-wing, supports lgbt, poc and women's rights, which I feel like everyone should but sadly not everyone does. But he does, and that's pretty damn nice. 
              
              I also just have to mention his song Andrew From Chicago Is Ghetto Booty, from the perestroika love album. The title, the actual song, its just such an out-there song compared to what people are making today and its just pretty damn cool. If I ever make music (which lets be honest, I am crap at making music so it probably won't happen, but who knows), his music will definetly be an influence. 
              
              The music also just goes so well with my autism. Like I'm not even joking the happy autism receptors love his stuff, always gets the autistic happy flappy hands going (neurodivergents, you know what I mean). Also just helps with the mental health stuff, which I won't get into. All the music I listen to does, like Mcr, but I just had to mention how Talkshow Boy's music is so upbeat it just drowns out any thinking going on.

Little does he know its gay | 14th March 2025

              I'm writing this on the 14th of March, 2025, but this has been going on since term four of school last year (I'm in Australia so Term four is just before the summer/christmas holidays). For the sake of staying anonymous on the internet I will be calling the guy in this story Toad, because he looks like Toad from Mario (not personality wise, hair wise). For the sake of understanding this, if you don't already know I am a trans guy, and I am not out at school so everyone except for my friends think I'm a girl.
            
              So, the first time this guy talked to me (in this context) last year, it was during a sport lesson. We were playing netball, so we had our set positions, and I was guarding him. During the game, he said to me, obviously joking, "Hey (name), I have something to tell you. I've really liked you for a long time" yadda yadda yadda all that stuff, talking in what I take as a joking tone. You know when guys ask out people or say they like someone just to make fun of that person? That's what I thought it was, so I just completely ignored him. Around the same time this happened, I also got passed a note in class, apparently from him (although at the time I was pretty sure it was just one of his friends playing a joke, and I still kinda think that), asking me out. I just chucked the note in the bin because they were obviously joking and making fun of me.
            
              Now, this year. It's only term one, and he has asked me out and asked me to be his valentine, both times I said no. Also, one time in History class, there was an empty seat next to me, and he just decided to move next to me. He just said hi and sat there. After a bit, when I wasn't talking to him at all except for saying hi back, he got up. But for some reason, before going back to his seat, he asked me if I'm okay with him going back to his seat. Why wouldn't I be okay, I do not like him in the slightest, he is one of the most annoying people in my grade. I've even heard majority of his friends say they think he's annoying, which does make me feel a bit bad for him, but still. I told him I do not care about the fact he's going back to his seat. 
            
              He's also just been talking to me about random things a lot, like one time in Science he asked to borrow my sharpener two times and my rubber as well in one lesson. Yesterday, he told me he 'got the note I gave him' and that he feels the same way, even though I never gave him a note and never would. Today, he kept talking to me in Science, asking me about the timetable, which is normal stuff to ask, but the fact that his friend had already told him was what made it weird.
            
              Little does he know, I'm a guy, and he is being gay :) That's the only reason I haven't told him to leave me alone, and also because its kinda funny.

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